July 18, 2006 Tuesday 4:18 PM Movie: No One Cares

No One Cares

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Feeling down and I wonder why.


I notice the trend.
That trend that becomes kind of a strange itch to walk
out and talk with other humanoids. While the
simple drive seems harmless it can go one of three
ways.
It can be neutral. No plusses and no minuses. 

It can be good. Good in which smiles are had and laughter
is followed and generally a good sense of excitment
to just be able to relax with friends.

Or it could take a dive. The grime reality of the accidently
bad social encounter always strikes me at those times
when I least expect it. It's in those times that I begin
to wonder why I even walk out in the first place.
Not so much the walking out but the walking out to visit
people while I cruise about on my bike. 

When things do go wrong. When social events take turns for
the worse I always recluse. I steal back from the world
and dive deeper into the work that keeps my ambitions
alive. Though it's not always that I"m ready to do so....
as in the case when I just don't feel like doing anything
after such things.

I tend to work in waves. Not rushing but feeling like I should.
Not wanting to do this or that but wanting other things and
knowing that I have to do this or that in order to get those
other things.

And all the excitement of former 'major leaps' is forgotten
so soon after. I wish I could capture some of that excitement
back for these lulls I find myself in here and there. 

How can I pull myself out?
Maybe once I make the decision to I already have begun the
process.
[6 min writing]

10:21 PM
    It's hard to shake that feeling that no body cares.
    Really, I don't know how i got this way.

10:59 PM
I was still proud earlier to have saved nearly an hour of old movies I
had done since the begining of the formal posting of movies.

Still shaking that bitter feeling is hard. The movie really captures
the feeling. I shot a lot more footage that I didn't use though.
It was one of the first times... (not sure if it was really the first)
but one off the times I narrated and then tried to grab visuals to
fill the space. I like this system because it's flexible and depends
a lot on what I say which increases the flow of the movie.
Not stuttering, talking from the heart, not having to cut up audio
allows the human element to come through.